August 6

The Illusion of Perfection

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I used to think of myself as a perfectionist.   I strived to do everything right.   I spent so much time paying attention to details that no one else would notice, but I would gain satisfaction from.   But the truth is there, was no reward and the satisfaction I felt was short lived as I still felt unfulfilled. In my work the perfection I strived for went unnoticed or expected but never acknowledged and I became exhausted and resentful.

I remember in my twenties I would write a lot, poems, reflections and thoughts I had on life and I’d come to some amazing revelations.  Unfortunately (or not), I can’t find any of the work I did even though I’m sure I put it somewhere safe.    I can remember some of the subjects, one was a really great poem about how unperfect perfection was, one was about love being the answer and the reasons for everything another was a poem entitled ‘Like coming out of a Coma’ relating to the awakening I had when I made the decision to get myself out of an abusive relationship.   Although I can no longer find this work, the messages stayed with me, maybe I don’t need the actual lessons again just the appreciation of the wisdom that came from them.

Perfection is what makes people comfortable but that ‘perfection’ may make others anxious because it doesn’t make them comfortable, because they don’t have the same likes and needs or they worry they won’t be able to meet the same standards.  So, perfectionism triggers insecurity, self-doubt and limiting beliefs leading to avoiding taking steps to achieve their own accomplishments.

There is nothing wrong in trying to do your best and improving yourself, your abilities, your behaviour, your outlook, anything.  This is how we grow.   But there is no perfect outcome.   There doesn’t need to be.   It can feel perfect at the time because you have achieved what you want BUT that is what it is . . . just a feeling . . . Perfection is a feeling and feelings are fluid, they change just like everything else in this world.   So, what is right for you now, won’t be the same for you in another time or situation.  

This is why we shouldn’t try to recreate the past because it can lead to disappointment.  We can look back at what we learned and remember the good times, the good feelings but trying to recreate them exactly is impossible.   That’s why it’s not really unfortunate that I can’t find the work I did 30 years ago, I am not the same now, I’ve done so much work and been through so much more, good and bad situations since then, that what I discovered as a major realisation then will not have the same impact on me now, and worse – if I was to find this work that I created and believed was some kind of epiphany, it could quite possibly be extremely disillusional and even cause me to doubt my own abilities of perception.

Imperfection can teach us so much too, it can teach us acceptance, it can motivate and inspire us to try new things, new ways of doing and being and to be content with what we have achieved.   We learn from our mistakes. So lets enjoy not being perfect!

Thank you for taking the time to read my post. If you like this article please take look at some of my other pages or blog posts where I talk about different therapies and my own wellbeing journey and if you’d like to see future posts then please enter your email address and click on the subscribe button below and you will be notified of future content. I have no plans to use your email address for any other purpose. Feel free to share my page with anyone you feel may be interested and if you have any feedback about what I write or suggestions for further articles then please use the comment box further down the page. Warmest Wishes, Janet x


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