When we are faced with a situation that we have no control over we can struggle to accept it. It could be a life changing event like a medical diagnosis, a relationship breakdown, losing a loved one, or a loss of financial security. Just knowing something has happened or is happening doesn’t mean we can accept it, especially if it causes great emotional stress and grief. We go through the motions when dealing with the repercussions of these events but if we don’t come to terms with them we can become stuck in the trauma of it all and this can lead to many negative states like denial, anxiety, depression and resentment.
We are living in very difficult times at the moment, it’s as though the world has gone crazy. There is so much suffering and we feel helpless because we have no control over it. We can’t change what is happening ourselves and we definitely do not approve or agree with what is going on but we can accept that it is actually happening even if the reasons are beyond our comprehension. All we can do is the best we can in our own lives, if there is a way to help others then do what you can if you are able to but it doesn’t mean you are a bad person if you haven’t contributed. Accept how you feel about it and that you are not alone because the whole world is feeling it at the moment. Do what you can in your world to make it better for yourself and those close to you, get involved with local community and charities and avoid reading too much negative news. You feeling depressed and miserable is not going to improve the situation but being positive and upbeat will improve your life and the lives of others.
REVEAL TO HEAL
Many chronic illnesses, whether physical or mental are the result of repressed emotions from traumatic events. The shock of an unexpected event or a serious illness or injury can cause feelings so strong at the time that they become locked in our subconscious. We can go into a state of denial, unable to function and move on from it.
We need to identify how we feel about the situation and be willing to accept it has happened so we can let go of all the other negative emotions that have resulted from it. In doing this we are able to move forward and heal.
ACCEPTANCE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Whether it’s a partner, friend, parent, sibling, son or daughter, if they behave in a way you don’t like, you may find yourself trying to change or control them. People will only change if they want to, you can’t make them. If the relationship is otherwise good, and they are not harming anyone then maybe you can just accept them for the way they are, accepting your differences but respect their choices too. In doing this you can let go of any frustration or irritation about these things.
If their behaviour cannot be tolerated you may need to think about ending the relationship, accept that you tried but it didn’t work out. In the case of close family members who you love and care for, you can establish boundaries that enable you to still have a relationship but stay away from certain subjects or situations that lead to conflict.
ACCEPTANCE OF MEDICAL CONDITIONS
It’s difficult to accept a long-term medical diagnosis or disability, by accepting it you may feel that you are giving into it and that your whole world will never be the same. However, you can accept that this is the way it is ‘at this moment’, but everything is temporary and things do change. I struggled to accept my diagnosis of fibromyalgia, that there is no cure and it can get worse. It has changed my life and it is difficult at times but I keep striving to improve my health because everyone is different and I consider myself fortunate that I only have mild symptoms compared to others.
Accepting that life isn’t and may never be the same doesn’t have to mean resigning yourself to not having a life, you can find ways to adapt to the situation. There are lots of therapies and medical treatments available that are always evolving. So even if you can’t cure yourself, you may be able to ease your symptoms and find alternative ways of doing the things you enjoy or even find new interests that you are able to do. Accepting the situation is not succumbing to it, it doesn’t have to rule your life, you find ways to live with it.
DON’T BE A VICTIM
One thing you should avoid doing though is letting your condition define who you are and become your identity. I may have fibromyalgia but it doesn’t have me! I’m still on my journey to better health and since my diagnosis eight years ago I’ve looked into many ways to improve my health and this along with my work and interest in complementary therapies has led me to creating this website. If I hadn’t developed this I may never have looked into some of the areas I have done and wouldn’t be able to share my experience with you.
PAST TRAUMA
It is more complex and difficult to overcome traumatic events from the past if we haven’t had the right support at the time. Victims of abuse may not even know where to start and protect themselves by becoming withdrawn and avoid people and situations to protect themselves. You have to want to let go of the pain to start with even if you don’t know how. By accepting something has happened to you that needs closure and healing you can start the path to recovery. You may need to research professional help to get you started and admit you have been wronged and have a desire to move on with you life.
DEALING WITH REGRETS
Most people have regrets in life, maybe they didn’t take up an opportunity that was presented to them, chose the wrong career, turned down an invitation that may have led to new friendships or even treating someone badly – there is no benefit from dwelling on these matters, for whatever reason that is how you felt at the time and there’s no reason to believe there would have been a better outcome if you had done things differently. Acceptance that it was a moment in your life you regret but it is in the past and you have grown from it. As for treating people badly, if it still bothers you and you feel that person would appreciate it you can always apologise for your behaviour, they may have even forgotten it or it didn’t have a big impact on them but they will probably still appreciate that you tried to make amends. If you’ve made mistakes, learn from them so it won’t happen again, you may even be able to advise others with examples.
ACCEPT YOURSELF
No one is perfect, we all have flaws, we all make mistakes and we are all different. Accept yourself for who you are, be compassionate towards yourself, learn from mistakes and grow from bad experiences. Acceptance brings peace, enables you to let go of anxiety, bitterness, resentment and regret. Leaving space to heal and bring joy and gratitude into your life. The more you practice accepting yourself the more you will be able to accept others.
YOU are your world – this isn’t about being selfish, it’s about acknowledging that everything begins with you. You may have been influenced by the outside world, demands and responsibilities whether you like them or not but the only thing you truly have control over is yourself. You can choose how to feel about any situation and what impact it will have on you, you can accept that someone may have said something unflattering about you but you don’t have to agree with them, you don’t even have to be upset about it. That is about them not you, you can accept that the critical person is being judgemental, you know yourself. If you feel that what someone has said maybe right (even if you don’t particularly like it) then use it as constructive criticism to make positive changes.
We only have one life, don’t waste it dwelling on things that are in the past or beyond our control. Try to find something positive in every situation. Practice Gratitude and live in peace.
